Treat yourself to the quiet desperation of Özel Türkbas’ How to Make Your Husband A Sultan and majestically transform the stale, white bread dullness of your “after hours” marriage into an international world brimming with tantalizing temptation, rhythmic finger cymbals, and salty body gyrations sure to set the neighborhood hens in full cackle. Because, after all, isn’t your husband worthy of Sultan status? Mr. Jones has Sultan status, and aren’t you trying desperately to keep up with the Joneses?

Someone may have said somewhere (if only in my mind), “For man is not capable of achieving Sultan status by his own means. It takes the alluring hips of his half-dressed wife awkwardly contorting herself into a chiropractor’s appointment to allow the man to reach true Sultan stature.” Wives, be submissive to your husbands, and allow Özel Türkbas’ to show you the way.

Complete with a seven page How to Make Your Husband A Sultan Belly Dance Instruction Booklet, the ease and eventual rewards of metamorphasizing yourself into a seductive, Sultan-pleasing siren is conveniently broken down into easy, step-by-step (not the cheesy 90s sitcom starring Patrick Duffy) illustrations that are easy to understand, and painful to emulate.

Your husband deserves the best. He deserves the social rank of a certified Sultan, and with Özel Türkbas’ How to Make Your Husband A Sultan, you can turn his nonsensical dream into a reality.