I about choked on my peanut butter and pastrami sandwich when I discovered that Boys Noize was just one guy, Germany’s Alexander Ridha. The enormous amount of heard-hitting wealth found on this double LP is the stuff of pure genius. It’s raw, heavy, and filthy Euro-dance music… the very best kind in my opinion. Although released in 2007 (8 years ago already), these deep grooves have lost none of their profound impact, and if you’ve got an ear for sensual sleaze, it doesn’t get much better than Oi Oi Oi.
Have a listen, and tell me the demonic-digitized-robot voice isn’t proclaiming its love for the delicious, fried-dough, calorie-heavy pastry.
I need churros
Yes, I’m well and patiently aware that it’s only Wednesday night (has there ever been a Wednesday Night Fever?), but let’s throw spit and caution to the wind and dust off our shin-kickin’ Boogie Shoes. Let a little (KC) Sunshine into your life, on this dark and drab Wednesday, and get yer ass out there on the dance floor! (Living room rug works just as well.)
There is absolutely no shame in erupting into a volcanic burst of pure, adolescent excitement every once in a while. My most recent enthusiastic explosion was upon discovering this single by the illustrious (yet short lived) electro-pop outfit, C&C Music Factory. Their unforgettable, 1990 effort, Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now) was a personal turning point for me, as this was one of the first two compact discs I’d ever owned.
Graduating to the new, crisp sound would come back to haunt me, however, as my instinctive decisions were something I’ve never been able to shake off. Had I known my compulsive hobby would have turned out the way it has, I may have reconsidered my first “official” music choices. I’ve since, over the years, learned to own these erroneous decisions, and am slowly approaching the level of embracement. Now, if I can only find Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em, recapturing my tweens would be all but complete.
Comfort answers to no fashion Queen, and raunchy, sex-minded, worked-tongue-wiping, paid-lap-dance-dirty, baby-makin’ pelvic beats answer to no, conventional, receptive ear. Thunderheist, the Toronto based, globally minded, five-year international outbreak, very much like the cheese, stands alone. None match their sex = sex + more sex-resolved, blood-churning, infectious rhythms, and none do it so devilishly glamorous.
Words… that these are, do absolutely no justice to the concrete weight that, Grahmzilla and Isis effortlessly exhale with every gasping, rhythmic beat present in every one of these five, remixed (save for one) tempting trax.
If it ain’t dirty, it ain’t Thunderheist.
Editor’s note: For this, my 450th post, I’d like to thank global warming, overly-sensitive neighbors, and hangover victims, but seriously, I’ll thank the unspoken will that fuels so many able, and socially alienated victims… affordable whisky. Dust it off, dear frequenters of PG nonsense… dust it off and jerk it.
Black Powder b/w Punkture by French / American duo Motor is a simple, yet hard hitting EBM / Tech-NOH two-track 12” from Novamute records, and I’m proud to say was, without a hint of shameful regret, a record that seldom left the platter back in early 2007. Released in 2006 along with their debut album, Klunk, Black Powder is perfect for turning your office into a Vegas after party in just under two minutes (rhythmic light wands not included). Motor’s brand of filthy dance, four on the floor beats are certainly nothing new, but WELL worth getting into.
Treat yourself to the quiet desperation of Özel Türkbas’ How to Make Your Husband A Sultan and majestically transform the stale, white bread dullness of your “after hours” marriage into an international world brimming with tantalizing temptation, rhythmic finger cymbals, and salty body gyrations sure to set the neighborhood hens in full cackle. Because, after all, isn’t your husband worthy of Sultan status? Mr. Jones has Sultan status, and aren’t you trying desperately to keep up with the Joneses?
Someone may have said somewhere (if only in my mind), “For man is not capable of achieving Sultan status by his own means. It takes the alluring hips of his half-dressed wife awkwardly contorting herself into a chiropractor’s appointment to allow the man to reach true Sultan stature.” Wives, be submissive to your husbands, and allow Özel Türkbas’ to show you the way.
Complete with a seven page How to Make Your Husband A Sultan Belly Dance Instruction Booklet, the ease and eventual rewards of metamorphasizing yourself into a seductive, Sultan-pleasing siren is conveniently broken down into easy, step-by-step (not the cheesy 90s sitcom starring Patrick Duffy) illustrations that are easy to understand, and painful to emulate.
Your husband deserves the best. He deserves the social rank of a certified Sultan, and with Özel Türkbas’ How to Make Your Husband A Sultan, you can turn his nonsensical dream into a reality.
Have you ever wanted to live inside an 80s, cutting edge tech film? Well, you can’t. Sorry to break the bad news, but k’mon… let’s hitch a ride back to reality, shall we? Don’t worry, I’ll cover your bus fare. Simian Mobile Disco’s 2008 EP, Clock is something straight out of War Games, or any other Mathew Broderick movie loosely involving 1980s DOS-based operating systems. Melodic repetitions unfolding in waves of hip-gyrating force throughout four catch-tastic dance favorites… what more could you ask for? No, really, what do you want? I’m serious, because I certainly have no idea what you people listen to.
I was fortunate enough to catch SMD here in LA a few years back at a HARD fest. There were a lot of people, but the music was loud, so everybody went home a winner. This is more a confession to myself, but I don’t know why I stopped listening to electro. I’ve never been a dancer, but have always enjoyed hard-hitting, and filthy dirty programmed beats. SMD flirts with the dirty side of electro, but falls short when considering them next to MOTOR and / or Boys Noize. Clock however, is certainly worth a listen, especially on a Monday morning a day before the end of the year.
She’s known for an uncounted amount of selfless, kind gestures, for possessing an incredibly energetic personality, and for being unbelievably thoughtful. But above all else, she’s known for the a little jig we call, the Betsi Two-Step.
Play a song… any song… and if there’s a backbeat, you can bet your pulled-pork sandwich that the Betsi Two-Step will be out in full force. For the few of you who aren’t in the know, the Betsi Two-Step is a rhythmic groove-dance that crosses the Riverdance with the Electric Boogaloo, but with excessive grace and charm (complete with an atmosphere of uncontrollable merriment and boisterous laughter). You know, that when the Betsi Two-Step makes its appearance, you’re at exactly the right place at exactly the right time.
I’ve tried the Betsi Two-Step, and failed… miserably. It’s an art form not unlike poetry, stained-glass murals, and/or the delicacies of a delicious seven-course meal. It’s certainly a sight to behold, and is as contagious as the Bubonic Plague, but you know, in that insanely wonderful way.
The Betsi Two-Step is often imitated, but very seldom is the proper justice served. Many things are best left to the masters… and the Betsi Two-Step is positively no exception.
Happy birthday, Mom! Thank you for all your continued support, for your enormous heart, for your infectious laugh, for your open arms, and for creating a little rhythmic hustle that we’ll never forget! Now, let’s start the music and get this party started!
This “basic program of Aerobic Dance and Exercise” is brought to you by Looking Good records, and is performed by J.D. Feelgood himself! This body-toning analog disc offers a Southern-fried, full-bodied, well-rounded and complete workout routine including Warm-Ups, a gradual Intensity section, and the ever so popular, Cool Down tracks.
Have you ever wondered how the cocktail waitresses at the hoedown always looked so fit? It’s because each of them subscribed to J.D. Feelgood and the Nashville All Stars and their good ‘ol Aerobics Country Style Aerobic Dance and Exercise record.
Don’t let the butter and biscuits get the better of you. Groove your way slim with Aerobics Country Style. Your Square Dance partner will thank you.