Tag Archives: Christmas

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Funky, Funky Christmas

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New KidsJordan, Jonathan, Joey, Donnie & Danny want to wish your 1989 self a money cow-milking merry Christmas. Apparently “dedicated to the children of the world,” Merry, Merry Christmas is a Christmas star-shining example of late 1980s awesomeness and features five white mimes with questionable talent and poor fashion sense cascading down a blanket of fake snow atop a wooden toboggan on some back lot at CBS Studios in Studio City, California. If the now 40-somethings ever made it to the bottom of We Need to Hurry Up and Release a Christmas Album Hill, the world may never know, but one thing is for sure, they certainly made their way into Heartthrob Base with little to no trouble.

With such profound lyrics as, He said you left the fire burning and I burnt my butt, and It’s going I’m showin’ fresh rhymes I’m throwin’, it’s snowin’ outside but we Ho Ho Hoin’, it’s no question that this album is ripe with the unmistakable scent of Christmas class.

So, don’t forget to include NKOTB on your Christmas card list. Here is their address in case you lost it: New Kids, P.O. Box 7080 Quincy, MA 02269.

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Santa Was Here… But Did He Remember to Open the Flue?

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Little Suzy Worries A LotLittle Suzy Worries A Lot is concerned. Not because she constantly trips on her obviously oversized sleeping gown-thing, but because Santa may have forgotten open the flue. Dancing in little Suzy’s head aren’t just images of sugar plums, but also the vision of her beloved family laying lifeless under the candy cane-like Christmas tree from carbon monoxide poisoning. Little Suzy has reason for concern, so she spent her entire Christmas morning on the floor checking the flue. “Where’s Suzy?” “Oh, she’s checking the flue.” “Again?!”

The Somerset Strings do a marvelous job of capturing vintage Christmas on this 6-track 10” from the 1950s. All the classics are here, from Jingle Bells to The First Nowell (I always thought it was NOEL as in, no Ls allowed… or a_ _owed). Acquired, obviously, for its fascinating cover, Santa Was Here is a welcoming addition to the Christmas section of my library, and would make for a decent, albeit short, listen for anyone seeking out that vintage Christmas sound.

Don’t worry about little Suzy. She survived that Christmas, and went on to achieve great and magnificent things in the further development of fireplace safety.

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Deck the Walls of Sound

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SpectorWe the jury find the accused, Phillip Harvey Spector, guilty on all counts… of spreading holiday cheer! What was originally dubbed as A Christmas Gift for You from Philles Records back in 1963, was re-released in 1972 on Apple Records with 1) a new title, Phil Spector’s Christmas Album, and 2) a new, Christmas-killing cover depicting the legendary producer dressed as a drunken Santa Claus. Personally, I feel Art Carney’s role as loaded Santa in the Twilight Zone episode, The Night of the Meek was a little more convincing, but ol’ gunslinger Phil does a decent job.

PhilThese 13 re-imagined Christmas classics by the likes of The Ronettes, The Crystals, Darlene Love and Bob B. Soxx and the Blue Jeans are all produced by Phil Spector (obviously), and make for a fantastic, and well-rounded Christmas album. If you don’t already own it, or its 1963 original, seek it out. One can never have too many quality Christmas songs, even if their producer is a convicted murderer.

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Keeping Up With Grandma

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Grandma Can DrinkChristmas is approaching faster than Grandma can down a double eggnog, so let’s not waste our precious head funnels on anything other than pristine audio bliss. The Fireside Carolers do a magnificent job of romanticizing some of the holiday’s best ear cocktails in that down-home, get the hell off my lawn kind of way. Decent enough for just about one spin on the ol’ turntable of love, Let’s All Sing our Christmas Favorites makes for fascinating background music, perfect for filling the empty walls when you and your loved ones are out making trouble with the neighborhood kids. What I’m saying is, although performed exceptionally well, these organ-supported band of carolers need to take a backseat when it comes to proper, more upbeat Christmas music. You catch my drift? No offense, Fireside Carolers. You’re good enough to knock Grandma out, although, much of the credit should be given to the bourbon. Cheers to the holidays, or as Grandma says, “Shiers totha hol-idssss.”

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Santa Sunburn

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Santa SunburnNothing says another year is about to be sucked into the great void of forgotten memories quite like a collection of 18 Christmas songs from Broadway Records and Container-Kraft of Los Angeles. If you don’t believe me, maybe Santa Sunburn and his waving 2-ton mitten (probably ringing wet with Santa sweat… it’s warm here during the holidays) will convince you. With “Christmas favorites old and new for young and old,” from kiddies to grannies and all the naysayers in between, each and every ear will be bleeding that sweet blood of Christmas joy.

Santa Trumpet BlowerFor best results use sharp needle.

All the classics are here. From White Christmas to Auld Lang Syne, and from Bring A Torch Jeanette Isabella to The Shepherd’s Carol, this album is your one-stop-shop for getting your humble abode (and that of your neighbor if your walls are thin enough) into that warm and fuzzy mood.

An outstanding value in top quality phonograph records.

Mainly, I just use this album for decoration during the holidays. I doubt I’ve ever even played it. Happy Monday, folks!

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Ambition Has its Flaws Volume 3

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Audio

Well, it’s late, but k’mon, man! These things take time! Enjoy the beginnings of the festive holiday with works from Dean Martin, Country Mike (the Beastie Boys), R2-D2 & C-3PO, Joe Pesci, The Kinks, The Smothers Brothers, Rocket from the Crypt, the Capitol Studio Orchestra, The Dismemberment Plan, and the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Make your ears bleed red will these irreverent boughs of holly, courtesy of The Prudent Groove.