This, is how a record should be released. Main album = disc 1. Instrumental version = disc 2. Done and done. Thank you, Delicious Vinyl, Slimkid3 & Nu-Marc, for not only outputting an exceptionally solid listen, but also for, without question, including the beats as their own, adventurous entity. Well, well worth the price of admission, Slimkid3 & Nu-Marc is as essential as modern day hip hop gets, in our humble opinion.
Much like the LP itself, there are two sides to this conundrum. On one hand, listening to nothing but the Kinks can be, and often is, some of the best consecutive series of days one could ever live, given the enormity of their monumentally successful catalog of perfect grooves. Let’s call this the A-side. On the other hand, there is an entire universe of juicy, wet ear candy that needs inspecting and overly sarcastic analyzing, that, because of the Kinks and their erotic time-sucking, mouth-watering tunes, gets neglected. We’ll label this the B-side.
If you find yourself locked into a Kinks bender, and there’s no end in sight, do what I do. WALK THE HELL AWAY! Try as hard as you can to ignore the luscious songwriting and blood-pumping beats. I assure you, it won’t be easy, but I believe in you. Have no fear, however, because the great thing about the Kinks, is that you can’t go too long without listening to them. Just be extremely cautious… those Kinks are dangerous.
Summer is swiftly approaching, and you know what that means. It’s time to abandon that pint of Chunky Monkey and drop those lingering “depression pounds” so you can become the best, superficial, objectified, shallow beach snob in all of Los Angeles County!
You’re probably asking yourself, “But how will I lose this row of bicycle tires in time to accept my crown as Big Kahuna of Venice Beach?” SLIMNASTICS is how. SLIMNASTICS is an ancient exercise technique of foolish looking, and ineffective body positions that you can struggle to achieve in the comfort of your own living room (with the lights off and all the shades drawn).
SLIMASTICS is designed by Dr. Charles A. Bucher, a guy famous for doing stuff (his resume is on the back sleeve in case you question his academic prodigiousness). With one side of the record devoted for men, and the other for women, Dr. Bucher engulfs your home stereo system and coaches you, step-by-step, on how to touch your toes and lift your arms. He’s offered a series of Picturegrams (I’m pretty sure ol’ Charlie made this word up) that oversimplify the insanely complex technique known as the push-up (among others).
Dig through your box of “To Goodwill” clothes and adorn those embarrassingly tight running shorts because Dr. Charles A. Bucher and his award-winning exercise program, SLIMNASTICS, are going to fool you into believing you can achieve social acceptance with a slim, new, beach-friendly body.
(The Prudent Groove is not responsible if you do not achieve social acceptance with your slim, new, beach-friendly body.)
Here’s How Records Give You More of What You Want:
1. They’re Your Best Entertainment Buy. Forget about your relationship with touch-screen baby wipes and bowel movement status updates. The vinyl record is way more entertaining than that new Smart (fill in the blank), and it’s cheaper too. Cheap is good. That means you can finally afford that sticky tattoo-removal procedure so you can forget about that regrettable weekend in Cabo.
2. They Allow Selectivity of Songs and Tracks. Gone are the archaic days of slaving through an entire album’s worth of songs. Feel the need for a quick spin of Obsession by Animotion but don’t want to wade through the dull, 8 filler tracks? With records, you have that option.
3. They’re Convenient and Easy to Handle. They’re not say, as convenient as an automatic fish feeder or adequate plumbing, but records are more accessible than lugging Mott the Hoople around with you everywhere you go.
4. They’re Attractive, Informative and Easy to Store. Forget those overpriced, dysfunctional dating sites. Records are attractive, smart, funny, and they won’t mind if you don’t wash your shirt laundry as often as you probably should.
5. They’ll Give You Hours of Continuous and Uninterrupted Listening Pleasure. Hours? Yes. Uninterrupted? I can think of a few times records may interrupt your listening flow. Like say, when you need to flip the record to play the 2nd side, perhaps?
6. They’re the Proven Medium. This one is true. I mean, we all know digital files are on their way out. Am I right?!
7. If It’s in Recorded Form, You Know It’ll be Available on Records. Ever get the hankering for the smooth, swinging sound of Richard Nixon and his administration conversing about secret, and often illegal activities? It was recorded, so there should be a record out there somewhere.
Do you own records? Do you use them for flatware when all your dishes are dirty, then wonder why your favorite Yes song constantly skips? Are you lazy and order your kids to flip to the B-side of Moe Bandy’s Greatest Hits just after they’ve housed an entire box of Klondike Bars? Are you just not too fond of common sense? If you answer “yes” to any of these, you’re EXACTLY like me and are in desperate need of an easy to follow, step-by-step guide to help you best manage the quality of your record collection.
Thankfully, Mercury Records is there for us nitwits in our record neglecting times of need.
Your Records are Worth Caring for…
(Courtesy of Mercury Records)
You buy a record because you like it. Each time you add a record to your collection, you’re building up your personal library of musical favorites. Here’s how to make sure each record you own gives you maximum pleasure each time you play it.
1. Avoid getting fingerprints or smudges on the playing surface. Handle the record by its edges, or by one edge and the center label.
2. Hold the record jacket against you and buckle it when removing or replacing records.
3. Remove surface dust before playing records. Do this by gently wiping the record with a slightly damp soft cloth or a specially treated record cloth available at your record dealer.
4. Store record albums upright as you would books. Single records should be kept in a rack but may be staked or stored vertically with your albums.