Galvanize

GalvanizeOn the platter today is the electro-hypnotizing single, Galvanize by the Chemical Brothers. This (devilishly) catchy little number features A Tribe Called Quest’s own Q-Tip, and was the first single from the 2005 album, Push the Button. This particular 12” is a not-so-rare US promo, and features an alternate cover, as well as the previously unreleased track, Rize Up.

This is now the third Chem Bros post focusing on the cover/insert art as apposed to the actual music. Grab a seat because I’ve got 22 more to go. Basically, when I’m in a hurry and need to hammer out a post (see what I did there… because of the hammer on the cover… never mind), I’ll turn to the Chem Bros for their attention demanding album designs. Yes, I tend to get a bit lazy from time to time.

This is Music for Kindergarten and Nursery School

Elephant Blowing Flowers Through a TubaThis is not music for mechanical pencil stealing 2nd graders, chocolate milk hoarding 4th graders, or even socially perturbed freshmen. This is Music for Kindergarten and Nursery School. I think anyone half conscious with at least one eye that works can see by the gleeful elephant blowing flowers through a tuba on the cover. No self-respecting 6th grader is going to look at this album and be all like, “Man, I’ve GOT to listen to this!”

Another glaring indicator that this two record set is aimed at the youngins is the music contained within. With songs like, Good-bye Old Paint, Who Will Shoe Your Pretty Little Feet?, and my personal favorite, Donkey Riding, it becomes apparent rather quickly the target demographic Allyn and Bacon, Inc. and Alpha Records were aiming for.

PurposeFor further definition as to the aspirations set forth by this merry little compilation of outdated and completely irrelevant music, the producers at the RCA Custom Record Division offer this, rather wholesome, little mission statement. (See photo. I’m NOT retyping all of this up. You can just as easily click the image and read for yourself… Please excuse my misguided belligerence. I’ve been off coffee for four days now. Have a nice day.)

Cowgirls from the Underworld

CowgirlI’m still trying to track down Underworld’s 1994 brilliant, Dubnobasswithmyheadman, so for now, I’ll have to settle on one of the many highlights from that album, their pivotal, dance party anthem, Cowgirl.

Presented on this 12” is a slightly longer version of the track (adding 26 seconds to the version found on the album), as well as a non-album gem titled, Rez. Both tracks feature electro-body-gyrating-rhythms-of-mind-melting-ecstasy perfect for long drives in the rain, angry walks to the post office, and generally any time when you want to please your mind’s eye (provided your mind’s eye likes to groove).

Dubnobasswithmyheadman was a breakthrough for Underworld, but I’ll get into that once I finally track down a copy. Underworld, the audio cloud of precipitating pleasure is not affiliated with the (throwaway) film series by the same name… nor should it be. Logod

One Man’s Mold is Another Man’s Groove

Kinks GHWould you buy this album for $1.84 + CA state tax? Look at it! It’s got mold or something all over the sleeve. The hell?! On one hand, The Kinks Greatest Hits! is a bit of a farce to begin with, what with it not containing ANYTHING from The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society, Arthur or the Decline and Fall of the British Empire, Lola Versus Powerman and the Moneygoround, Part One OR Muswell Hillbillies, but it does possess a b side that rivals any five track early Kinks comp I’ve ever heard… but it’s moldy, or whatever… but it’s The Kinks!… but look at it!… its got A Well Respected Man on it, and it’s only $1.84…

Would you buy this album for $1.84 + CA State tax? Well, you can’t. I already did.

A Ménage à trois of Stereo Sound

Motorola 3 FrontThis 10” demo record sleeve was tucked inside a random Goodwill find, and from 1959, advertises a new, three amp phonograph from Motorola… yes, THAT Motorola.

My best guess is that this record was either offered to phonograph dealers when these new, Motorola 3 Amplifier Stereophonic High Fidelity phonographs were released, or it accompanied the unit upon its purchase. Either way, this was a 10-track compilation record containing handpicked material that best showcased these 3 amplifier units.

Motorola 3 BackA quick Google search reveals a vintage advert from 1960, featuring two of these (extremely expensive) 3 amp units. The SK28 model goes for a whopping $329.95 ($2522.93 adjusted for inflation) where as the smaller model retailed for $299.95 ($2293.54 adjusted for inflation). Lucky for the folks of the late 50s, early 60s, this particular advert offers a payment plan, starting with $10 down ($76.46 adjusted for inflation). Something seems WAY out of whack here, but I don’t have time to give it any more thought.

I never owned the record that this sleeve swore to protect, but it’s nice to see Motorola’s logo hasn’t changed in the past 54 years.

Magic Brain: A VERY Brief History

Magic BrainStarting around 1934, the term Magic Brain was given to high end, and often-expensive (especially for the time) radio receivers manufactured by RCA Victor. This new, futuristic, prewar technological improvement to the widely used radio receiver, allowed the heavy-pocketed user to 1) enjoy their favorite radio programs with new, higher fidelity tone performance, 2) tune in to more stations, 3) get exclusive access the RCA Victor’s “X” band, the same station aviators heard for up-to-the-minute, U.S. Government weather reports, and 4) the apparent alleviation of physical pressure when tuning into specific frequencies. (Citation)

Paralleling the start of the Second World War, RCA Victor released the Magic Brain RCA Victrola. This new, music listening wizard provided the same, groundbreaking, and industry redefining, features of the Magic Brain radio receiver, in a state-of-the-art radio-phonograph. The Magic Brain RCA Victrola offered a 180-degree shift in the way records were played, and how phonographs were manufactured. This model offered a tandem tone arm, which allowed the unit to play both sides of a record without having to flip it (there is something romantic about manually flipping a record, but there are certainly times when I’d love the ease and convenience of the Magic Brain). In addition to the tandem tone arm, the Magic Brain RCA Victrola allowed for up to two full hours of continuous, uninterrupted listening pleasure by the oversimplified ease of a single, pushed button. Mechanical noise was eliminated, the need to lift a lid was done away with, and the overall capacity was increased, housing up to 15, 10” records, or 12, 12” records.

Certainly an interactive jukebox for the family living room, this ingenious machine would unfortunately live an exceptionally short life. Due to the U.S. Government’s need for shellac, the material in 78rpm records as well as the main ingredient in U.S. made bombshells, it obtained nearly 70% of the nation’s supply, forcing two revolutionary music listening necessities. 1) With nearly no shellac to make new records, record companies began buying back out dated and/or unwanted records from the public (paying 2-3¢ per disc, equaling close to 500,000 lbs of shellac), to grind down in order to make new records. 2) With the short supply of shellac, and the high demand for consumable and obtainable mediums of portable music, the experimentation, and eventually the manufacturing of the vinyl record was introduced, and the rest is record collecting history. (Citation 1, citation 2)

With a new format, the Magic Brain RCA Victrola was rendered obsolete, and therefore was swiftly removed from production. A video of this monster in action can be found here.

Cookie Jarvis, the Magical Cereal Wizard

Cookie JarvisLong before the Cookie Crisp favorites, (80s mainstays) Cookie Crook and Officer Crumb, the now, internationally known Chip the Dog (from the 90s) and that hack they have running the show now, Chip the Wolf, there was Cookie Jarvis.

Cookie Jarvis was a magical wizard that, with his magical wizard wand, would magically, and very wizard-like (naturally) turn boring old cereal bowls into magical cookie jars. Oh, the wondrous magic of morning breakfast cereal.

Jarvis BackThis record, found in specially marked boxes of Coo-oooooooooooookie Crisp in 1979, features a bumbling master of the black art rambling on about some cereal fan club for kids. If any of you were ever in a cereal fan club as a kid, let me know and I’ll track you down and offer a swift smack in the head.

A quick search on youtube yields no results, so my apologies for not offering an A/V example. I can bump this to mp3 if anybody is interested. Just email me. My favorite part of this record is an afterthought on the back that reads: For different effects, play record at other speeds. Brilliance personified.

If you like cookies, you’ll love Cookie Crisp!

Happy Birthday, America!

Bitter TearsTo remember this country, to embrace and celebrate its many achievements and bountiful wonders… to do so without acknowledging its many, many, many injustices and appalling acts of global greed, is to don the star spangled banner of bullied persuasion, while marching along, sheepish singing, “Oh, say can you see…”

Yes, the fourth of July is a time for remembrance. Remember our brothers, our sisters, our sons, our daughters, and our photographic mothers and fathers. Remember them, honor them, but question why they were made to feel it was necessary to become involved in the first place. Remember the heroes, but never forget the selfish, inhumane avarice of the commanders of social conscious that lie and manipulate, all while sending young men and women to die for their bestial objective: to maintain the power they have, and to see to it, that by offering the lives of American men & women… this nation’s children… that by doing so, their power of manipulated global guidance and merciless sense of false entitlement (not to mention the real God of this country: the Almighty Dollar) will continue to grow, and the spoils of the few will therefore continue to be justified in outweighing the needs, and all too often the lives, of the many.

This fourth day in the seventh month of each year is a celebration of servitude disguised as freedom. A patriot supports, loves, and defends his or her country, not the ideals of those in control to further their selfish ideals. This great country is not ours to enjoy. We stole it via a treaty of deception and spilled blood, then set up our walls and called it home. To forget the Native Americans on this day of global gloating and self-obsessed bravado, to forget whose house we burned to the ground so that we would all be afforded the corporate convenience of a $3.85 cup of Caffe’ Mocha, is to look into the mirror and know, wholeheartedly, that we are killers, liars, thieves, and a fat, selfish nation.

I love this country. Not for what it is, but for what it can become. Give respect where respect is due. Think for yourself.

Happy birthday, America! Go fuck yourself!

Get Rhythm

Get RhythmWhen times are tough and you’d rather stand in the darkness and shout for hours at the starless sky, Get Rhythm.

When your boss’ ego takes priority over what’s best for everyone involved, Get Rhythm.

When you find that honesty takes backseat to the convenience of fearful confrontation, Get Rhythm.

When the squirrels have finally found an effective way to raid the bird feeder, and it’s time to say goodbye to the birds, Get Rhythm.

When social decencies are ignored for selfish, single-minded objectives, Get Rhythm.

When popularity eclipses the right thing to do, Get Rhythm.

When you get the blues, Get Rhythm.

It only costs a dime, just a nickel a shoe

Does a million dollars worth of good for you

– J. R. Cash

When the Hell Did This Happen?!

Moon ManHave you heard the news? Apparently, we landed on the moon. When the hell did this happen? Is this common knowledge? Wait… it IS?! Huh… well, it’s rather difficult to admit, but I must have been living in a groovy, fog-filled bubble for, oh, I don’t know… MY ENTIRE LIFE?!

So, how did it go down? Was it done in secret? I mean, after 34 year of walking this rock, you figure I would have heard about Man’s Incredible Venture to the Moon SOMEWHERE. Did all the nations of the World get together and send representatives, or was it a corporate backed kind of thing? Are there people living up there now? Are there like, Moon condos with Moon superintendents requiring Moon inhabitants to sign lunar year leases? Is today’s Moon fashion similar to, I guess, Earth fashion? I bet Nasonex makes a killing up there. It looks pretty dusty. I know I’d be sneezing up a storm up there. Anybody know the going rate for unleaded gas on the Moon?

So… we landed on the moon. Well, good for us.

Your Eyes Deceive You, Don’t Trust Them

AglioDo you own Aglio E Olio (pronounced ahl-yo ay ohl-yo) by the Beastie Boys on wax? If you don’t, discontinue reading and go here. If you do, have you ever noticed the subtle misconception with the record? It’s not a wrong impression so much as a blatant deception. Allow me to briefly explain.

EHere is the record, right? Nothing out of the ordinary, at least at first glance. It plays, doesn’t skip, everyone is happy. With me? Ok, good. So, for years I thought this was an ordinary record. I’d purchased it new, kept good care of it, saw that it wasn’t colored, only the basic black, would play it from time to time, and that was it. It wasn’t until about 10 or so years later that I discovered (thanks to Beastiemania.com) that the record wasn’t black, but instead an excellently executed bit of trickery by the band.

Olio 2If you hold the “black” record up to the light, you’ll discover that it’s actually very dark translucent brown, made to look black. Needless to say, this blew my feeble mind upon immediate discovery.

I’m 99.9% sure every Aglio E Olio record is translucent brown, so if you own this album, and you haven’t heard of this before, check it out. While you’re at it, Check Your Head.