Finally haven woken from last night’s debaucherous slumber, I stumbled into consciousness to discover that the evening sun had already set, drowning itself in the salt-laden Pacific. Lucky for all involved (me and my morning bourbon), I’d previously saved a delectable Capitol Records insert some time ago, and my worried woes of missing the prominent opportunity to snap that perfect sun-kissed photo lay as insignificantly dormant as a piece of driftwood washing up upon the Santa Monica shoreline. AKA, I REALLY didn’t want to write today.

For just $1 (circa 196?) you can inform the “gentlemen” (sorry ladies of yesteryear, your day had apparently not yet come) that you’d generously prefer an introductory membership to the prestigious Teen Set, exclusively offered by Capitol Records. Yes, The Beatles are present and accounted for, and yes, The Lettermen are lingering there too, but the real steal is the “official Teen Set membership card.” Justified bragging rights for any and all who join, the Teen Set on Capitol seems like the logical, and most important post-pubescent decision any of us has ever been forced to make. Tickle your fancy with The Four Preps, The Goodtime Singers, or even The History of Drag Racing, and maybe, just maybe, your remaining teenage years will be void of awkward embarrassment… though, chances are, that inevitable boat of fictitious folly has already set sail.