The Time I Almost Missed Bob Dylan

Bob DylanBob Dylan, for me, has never been the pedestal-placing monarch that many people view him as. I’ve always respected Robert Zimmerman, the Minnesota native, and have conveniently dodged his raspy snarls when hand-selecting my life’s playlist. I certainly have nothing against his revolutionary impact on pop music, or his distinctive brand of folk-rock, I guess I just never really got around to it. With the (more than) understood philosophy of “too little music, not enough time,” the bellowing observations of Mr. Dylan never made the cut. He’d been Chopped before ever entering my personal music kitchen, for those of you who are fans of The Food Network.

An opportunity presented itself back in (date) that would have been unbelievably stupid to pass up. My mom scored free tickets to a Bob Dylan performance in Madison, WI, and kindly offered them to me. Using the term scored as a drug reference when referring to my mother is humorous to me, and kind of appropriate for ol’ Bob’s transcendent vibe. Anyway, to make a short story even longer, my show-going companion and I got the time of the show mixed up (by a good couple hours) and we arrived just as ol’ Times They Are A Changin’ had started his 2nd encore. He played All Along the Watchtower, something else I didn’t recognize, and then he was gone.

Perhaps if I’d been more of a fan (or one at all), I’d have made sure of the correct time, but never the less, I can truthfully say, I’ve seen Bob Dylan.

The Genesis of an Obsession

20140413-153512.jpg Lifelong treasures seldom unveil themselves without fervent mining. This seemingly innocent moment marks the newest, documented genesis of my uncontrollable record obsession. Captured some 32 years ago, an astute observer may assume my DJ skills would have matured with age… unfortunately, I peaked at the age of two, and the extent of my record spinning abilities is limited to the dropping and lifting of the tone arm, aka the raising and lowering of a mechanical lever. I may not have been able to tie my own shoes, adequately feed myself, or speak without a lisp, but I damn well knew a good groove when I heard one.

When There is No Internet

20140412-233346.jpg When the internet goes down at the family B&B under the bellowing roars of a violent, Midwestern thunderstorm, The Groove takes an unscheduled backseat. Completed, but no way to transfer (without retyping from my phone), is a write up about the mishap surrounding my Bob Dylan experience, but instead, all I can offer is a poorly phone-o-shopped fanning of my ticket stubs. Don’t take your wifi for granted, kids.

Was Lou Rawls a Fan of Lasagna?

The slight discoloration in the top right is Goo Gone, not lasagna grease.

The slight discoloration in the top right is Goo Gone, not lasagna grease.

Q: What do lasagna-eating cats, the annual, festive day in which children of all ages celebrate and remember the dead, and soul legend Lou Rawls have in common? A: The 1985 animated television special, and Primetime Emmy winner, Garfield’s Halloween Adventure. I grew up on this 30-minute opus, and watching it on, or around Halloween has become a yearly tradition. It’s hard to believe this special is almost 30 years old, but anyway, the connection lives within the iconic voice of Mr. Rawls.

GarfieldDuring the special’s opener, This is the Night (Trick or Treat), and again on the sing-along classic, Scaredy Cat, Garfield’s cool, sleek voice is provided by Lou Rawls, and therefore solidifies the unexpected pairings of great soul music, and mischievous, lazy, cartoon cats. On Halloween, Garfield = Lou Rawls, aka Lou-Halloween-Field.

A Word Called Death

Death_largeDeath is more than just a five-letter word. Its vigorous weight is passed down from generation to generation without hesitation, and without cause for warning. It’s as timeless as an unforgettable memory, and as endless as hope itself. Death gives ever-needed sleep to an exhausted life, and provides that final exhale from all Earthly woes.

Death is present for few to ignore, a gaffe that many take for granted, and Death exists for those who are willing to remember. God save those who ever forget.

Out of Control

Out of ControlRemixed by the illustrious Alexander Paul Coe (aka Sasha), this promo 12” features just two tracks, Out of Control (Sasha Club Mix) and its b-side, Out of Control (Sasha Instrumental Mix). Freestyle Dust, the sub-label of Virgin Records exclusive to Chemical Brothers releases, must have had no shortage of funds when it came time to press their abundant catalogue, because I don’t think I’ve seen a Chem Bros single sell for more than $3.99, this one may have been a cold $1.99, and a steal at that! If you’re out and about and a Chemical Brothers release catches your eye, probably due to their elaborate cover art, it would be wise to snatch it up, but quick. In a nutshell, preferably pistachio, great dance music can be found at prices that are Out of Control.

Chicks & Speed: Carmen

FuturismVictorious, self-promoted back-patting often follows a discovery of unrelated mediums. My fandom of all things Wax Trax!, (X-Ministry member) Paul Barker, and kickass covers first drove me, at nauseating high speeds, to the Lead into Gold (aka Paul Parker) three-track EP, Chicks & Speed: Futurism. Thinking little-to-nothing of the embossed “chick with speed” cover upon its immediate acquisition, set up a cloud parting, heaven’s light-shining, all-aware, and never forgotten moment of connection and instant recognizable correlation some several (possibly three) years later.

CarmenI’d heard Georges Bizet’s legendary opera, Carmen, several times prior, although I couldn’t necessarily pinpoint when and where, but this ear-ingesting fact is unimportant. What’s profoundly relevant is the striking similarity, i.e. blatant ripping off (homage?) of the 1955 Columbia Records (CL 735) discharge by André Kostelanetz and His Orchestra to the 1990 Wax Trax! Records release. Nowhere during the opera’s IV acts does the swelling drama invoke even a hint of the Chicago based American industrial offered by Lead into Gold, and nowhere throughout the 19 minutes of Chick & Speed: Futurism is a hint of Carmen revealed.

The struggles to continue the lifelong search of the ever-illusive relation between these two albums marches on, and perhaps always will, but the journey’s soundtrack, as well as its alluring cover art, certainly is provocative.Carmen Futurism

Remember the Golden Days of Radio

RadioEvery once in a while it’s good to slow things down to screeching, siren-whaling halt, and ingest the vinyl representation of definitive, mind-opening, electromagnetic radiation of a historical nature. I am, of course, talking about original radio broadcasts, which, without attempt, paint a blurry yet alluring picture of a world devoid of iOS updates, 242 television channels of unadulterated drivel, and the dastardly Kardashians.

Track ListRemember the Golden Days of Radio Volume 2 is a brilliantly executed presentation of archival events that offer a much younger generation of listeners the profound opportunity to experience the highs (The Shadow radio adventure) and lows (The Greatest “Eye Witness” report in history: The Von Hindenburg crashes in flames) of free space spewing entertainment.

Like fresh fruit for a rotting mind, this series by The Longines Symphonette Society is damn near essential material for those of us who are enthralled by, to put it frankly, the way it used to be. Do yourself an extensive favor; release the clutching hands of “the now” and let the warm wave of yesterday’s serenity ease your anxious mind.

Mr. Las Vegas

Newton LiveThe Best of Wayne Newton Live was one of the first 20 or so records I’ve ever owned (somewhat mystifying now, if you think about it), and it opened the door for many other exceedingly entertaining records released by Mr. Las Vegas to join the collection.

Acquired for roughly $3.98 from a Madison, WI Half Price Books back in 1997, this album got frequent spins during my first semester of college, and remains a critical part of those early collecting days. I distinctly remember listening mainly to the b-side, which consists of three medleys. This is only notable since the a-side contains Newton-ized versions of Live and Let Die, Hard to Handle, You’ve Got a Friend, and (Take Me Home) Country Roads. But the b-side included 45 seconds of Danke Schone, so there you go. For reasons that escape me, the track that stands out the most, some 17 years later, is Daddy Don’t You Walk So Fast. I have no idea why this song hit me at the tender age of 18, but, I suppose, some mysteries are better left unsolved.

Dickie’s Songs

Dickie's SongsPart of the joy found within any hunt is the conceived, emotional attachment attributed to the treasure before it was found. Dickie’s Songs, whose identities are buried deep within the hearts that Dickie hath stole, may very well continue to live, although hypothetical by today’s standards, in the thoughts and minds of those willing to keep fueling its emotional flame.

This discarded jacket reads:

No bloom has the roses since U Left me

I Love you

Hartz Mountain ProductsWho was Mr. Dickie, and what exactly were his songs? Housing my Come Back to Sorrento 78 for several years, this withered jacket speaks volumes, in ways Hartz Mountain Products may never have imagined. Were Dickie’s songs in fact Come Back to Sorrento and Moonlight Madonna by the Master Radio Canaries? Or was this jacket simply a goodwill offering for a cold and played-out 78 within arms reach? Part of me wants to break this record and scream to the heavens, questioning the mournful, and yes, hypothetical regret of some heart-sick lass, yet another part of me wants to identify with this 2-track 78, if only to better understand its local significance.

No BloomIf Dickie was just some spoiled house bird, for whom its owner would acquire red, 78rpm records, then I’m going to be irate, but if Dickie was in fact a lovelorn heart bandit, then I sincerely hope he got his much-deserved comeuppance.

When Drumsticks Fall From the Sky

StickA few days ago we had an earthquake here in Southern California. Initially it was monitored as a 4.7, and then was downgraded to a 4.4. How a conscious-inducing seismic anomaly can be reduced in mere hours is beyond my pre-K comprehension. Anyway, my girlfriend and I have, what I believe to be, a rational and logical understanding about what to do when the planet has a seizure. She finds the closest doorway, and I rush to the record wall to keep it from falling. Makes perfect sense to me, although death by records is not necessarily something my GF is keen to. After our 4.7 (or 4.4, depending on what wizardry of scientific evaluation you trust) we regained composure, picked up a few things that the Earth apparently wanted on the floor, and we went along about our day.

AnimositisominaAmong the debris of gravitational plunging, was a drumstick I luckily acquired from a Ministry concert during their 2003 Fornicatour (that’s what it was called). It had been resting above the doorframe to the office, opposite the drumstick from a Har Mar Superstar show I’d seized sometime in 2007 (my only two concert acquisitions). Since this was the first quake I had witnessed to knock anything over, the image of that beat-up baton lying helpless on the floor stuck with me. So now, I drop it here, like it has been dropped before, first from the stage to my outstretched arm, then to the floor from that early morning tremor. Beware of tumbling matter, kids, for when drumsticks fall from the sky, anything is seemingly possible.

Paranoid Chant

Paranoid ChantI peer at a blank page and I keep thinking of World War Three. I dip my broccoli and carrots and I keep thinking of World War Three. I get up to change the record and I keep thinking of World War Three. I read the intolerable news and I keep thinking of this song.

Shillelaghs and Shamrocks and Shenanigans

BingLittle more is common thread between the bass-baritone troubadour, Bing Crosby, and early 90s pop-hop hooligans, House of Pain save for their Irish-American heritage, and their longevity in pop music history. Bing’s Shillelaghs and Shamrocks boasts traditional fervor, ripe with Irish folk-lore (or so the back sleeve prompts), where as HOP’s Shamrocks and Shenanigans boasts pub-brawling, head-knocking, fine malt beer-drinking, aggressive hip hop by three guys looking to draw blood, and get paid doing it.

Fine Malt LyricsAlthough at seemingly opposite ends of the musical rainbow, both are little pots of entertainment gold, and whether you’re a fan of the straightforward Bing-and-sing-along-Crosby, or the radio-friendly, malt lyric-spiked-shamrock shake-drinking shenanigans of early 90s House of Pain, nothing says, “thanks for running those nasty snakes out of town, St. Patrick” like Shillelaghs and Shamrocks and Shenanigans.

The Power of Love

POL StickerHow can love power be measured? If it’s possible, I’m sure Southern California Edison is devising a way in which to charge more for that (overpriced) service. Can this power be weighed? It can certainly be measured (1.21 gigawatts = 1,210,000,000 watts, btw). Is there a love power converter? Would Sears have it, or maybe Hardware Hank?

Little is understood about this specific amount of energy used per unit time, but one thing is scientifically understood; the power of love is a curious thing, however the hell it’s measured.

(This 12” single contains the exclusive, extended dance remix by John “Jellybean” Benitez, for those so included to care.)

E-Lec-Tric-al Banana

Mellow YellowMellow Yellow, the 1967 album by the Glasgow born, Scottish revolutionary, Donovan Phillips Leitch (as apposed to Mello Yello, the refreshing citrus beverage enjoyed during the bike riding summers of yesteryear), carries with it an aura, a golden, warming glow of sandal-wearing, ankle-wading, mind-clearing, beach-yearning temperaments of folky goodness, perfect for soaking in the warm, skin-kissing rays from that mass of incandescent gas we call the sun.

Yellow MellowCertain times throughout the annual revolution of our inhabitable rock, the specific craving for particular sounds eclipses that of everyday listening pleasure. In December, it’s the Monks, in May it’s Vacuum Scam, and for whatever unknown (however wholeheartedly welcomed) reason, March is the perfect time for Donovan.

Neurotic 7”

NeuroticThe Bouncing Souls were often the frontrunners for repeated and consistent spins during my (long-winded) pop-punk days. Their first album, 1994’s The Good, The Bad, and the Argyle, featured this Neurotic 7” in its entirety, although its tracks don’t appear in the same order. The New Jersey punk outfit are a hell-of-a-lot of fun live, and the studio recordings of some of their early work still stands out as some of the best of the pop-punk genre.

I like your mom and it’s no fad,

I wanna’ marry her and be your dad

I Like Your MomIf you don’t know The Bouncing Souls, you should get a pretty good idea of their mischievous, yet adolescent tendencies by the above lyrics (which are pretty much the entirety of I Like Your Mom). Couple that with melodic, fast-paced race-rock, and you’ve got the makings for an energy-filled trip down Memory Ln (even if  it happened to exist over 15 years ago).

A Moonlit, Birthday Serenade

Moonlight SerenadeHappy birthday to my favorite person in the entire world! I have her to thank, from the bottom of my vinyl-obsessed heart, for her consistently thoughtful demeanor, her exceptional inner and outer beauty, for her patience, her understanding, her delicious cooking experiments, for her laughs, for her goofy tendencies, which bring out my goofy tendencies, for her welcoming family, and for putting up with me.

I love ya, kiddo! You own my heart. Happy birthday!

Demonstration – Not For Sale

No ShelterRemember when Best Buy (the slowly dying, North American electronics conglomerate) gave away 7” records? I have more than a few “promotional giveaways” from my short-lived DVD and CD collecting days of the late 90s and early 2000s, a few of them acquired by the big, yellow and blue super-store (an Intergalactic “jukebox only” 45 by the Beastie Boys, and a white vinyl copy of Another Brick in the Wall (Part II) Live by Pink Floyd).

Red ShelterNow, my memory could very well be rewriting history here, but I distinctly remember buying RATM’s The Battle of Los Angeles (on CD), and getting with it this transparent red No Shelter 7”. I remember thinking how odd and out of place it was for Best Buy to even have records, let alone be giving them away, a sensation all but lost just recently upon the realization that certain Best Buys now carry severely overpriced vinyl reissues. I should be happy that the vinyl-collecting community is large enough for Best Buy to take notice, I suppose, and even though my Best Buy shopping days are almost completely exclusive to gifted gift cards, it’s comforting to remember a distinctive era in music collecting history (regardless of how individual and / or particular to me).

A Subtle Trip Down Nostalgia Ave

Root DownThrough rose-colored ear goggles, 1995 was a fantastic year. In the throes of high school juvenility, I found repeated comfort in the hunting and gathering of rare and out of print Beastie Boys singles and EPs. Although manly on compact disc at the time, I was able to nab a few 12” singles that, for years, would act as the crowning pillars of my now, nearly completed, Beastie Boys discography.

Beastie Boys TowerThe 1995 Root Down EP got heavy play in those days, and although it would take me well into the 2000s to track down this blue vinyl version, each transparent, cool spin brings with it aging thoughts and specificities of that fabled summer of 1995. Much has changed in the past 19 years (like it does), but it’s refreshing to travel down Nostalgia Ave from time to time, and for me, it’s important to recognize the vehicles that carry you back.

Blood, Sweat and Tears

BS+TWhenever I’m feeling nostalgic, I tend to turn to the roughneck, blue-collar grit of Johnny Cash. While I’ll prefer Mr. Cash’s work with the Tennessee Two during their Sun Records days, there was something about Blood, Sweat and Tears that stuck out like a rusty spike awaiting its inevitable drive into the cold, hard Earth that grabbed my sleep-clouded eyes this morning. Since it’s Monday morning for all of you hard working pencil pushers, the inevitable start to yet another inevitable workweek, Blood, Sweat and Tears seemed desperately appropriate.

BS+T BackA collection of working man ballads, this, Mr. Cash’s 15th album, was released in 1963 on Columbia Records and features the soulful accompaniment of the Carter Family, the same legendary folk ensemble he’d become a part of some five years later, in March of ’68, when he married June Carter.

So, welcome to the working week, and if you find yourself daydreaming for an era without redundant meetings, corner-cutting executives, or inner-office politics, book some time with the musical spokesperson for the hardworking everyman, Mr. Johnny Cash.