High Fidelity Recording Ultra-Phonic Sound Sleeve

Tops InsertTOPS Records, and their “High Fidelity Recording Ultra-Phonic Sound” don’t want your records to get cold, so they conveniently offer “this specially designed protective envelope.”

Without your knowing, the sleeveless records in your prolific collection have been coming down with the vinyl flu (it’s been going around). Thankfully, sobby noses and sleepless nights are a thing of the past with this futuristic record protector by TOPS Records.

Tops LogoYour records give you so much unconditional joy… give back. Keep them warm. Make sure each and every licorice disc is kept safe and secure with its own protective envelope from TOPS Records. TOPS Records… clothes for music.

The Stripper and Other Fun Songs for the Family

StripperNothing speaks more about wholesome, politically indifferent, red-blooded American family values quite like strippers. Grab the kids, pop some corn, and don’t forget to break that 10-spot for a stack of singles, because honey, we’ve got one-hell-of-a show a-brewin’!

David Rose and His (magnificent) Orchestra play, rather seductively, 12 of the most luring, enticing, sweaty, and questionably hygienic, hussy music ever performed this side of the Clark County line, AND, they do it for the whole family. The youngins will be excited because they’ll think milk is on the way, the Grade Schoolers will look on with that awkward, puzzled, and “the real world is a farce! Make it stop!” look, the teenagers will stare at the floor the entire time as not to, um… raise any suspicions, and the folks will gleefully sip on their overpriced drinks and gaze upon the sea of soon to be emotionally scarred children and think to themselves, “should we get a dog?”

The Stripper's BacksideDavid Rose and His Orchestra Play The Stripper and Other Fun Songs for the Family is not only a very long and tedious title to write, it’s also perfect for those late nights with your significant other when the fire is glowing, and you collectively conclude that raising a child in this world is not only a disgusting idea, it’s patriotic, and that birth control really is the work of the devil (don’t we all have nights like that?).

Also, doesn’t David Rose look an awful lot like Victor Laszlo?

Photo on right courtesy of Warner Bros. DVD, VLC player and shift+command+4.

Photo on right courtesy of Warner Bros. DVD, VLC player and shift+command+4.

Cookin’ Up Hits

Cookin' Up HitsIt’s a bright, balmy Saturday, so step away from your illuminated screen and get outside and enjoy the exhaust-laden air!

If you happen to find yourself in a less than ideal climate, or the mystics and wonders of the outdoors don’t appeal to your ornate senses, may I suggest a little culinary calisthenics?

Liz Anderson, with all her digestible wisdom, offers up 12 hysterically ardent recipes full of tears, sorrow, heartache, cumin, and remorse. Liz’s whimsical approach and articulated wordplay border on the line of congenial, 60s Country and youthful Singer-songwriter music, but you know, with a lace apron. A slide guitar is sprinkled in for that down-home flavor, which helps to give this mouthwatering entrée of emotional ear food an elevated, ethereal intonation. Think Patsy Cline, drunk, in the kitchen, insufficiently attempting to restrain herself from dumping a bag of flour onto the floor and calling it a day.Warming Up

Sometimes the mind gets hungry for heartache-y, overly sensitive, and beautifully sung mood music. Chef Anderson certainly knows her way around agony’s kitchen, and Cookin’ Up Hits is a perfect recipe for any, less than optimal dinner occasion.

Wax Trax! Records Insert from 1986

Wax Trax 1986 InsertFeatured today is one of the four (possibly five) different, albeit only to the trained eye, Wax Trax! Records inserts in my collection. It emerged from the deepest, and most sobering crevasses known to man (Luc Van Acker’s Heart and Soul, aka WAX018).

Listing the catalogue at only 18 albums (only 17 that were available at the time), this insert can be carbon dated to the fruitful, yet sardonically demonizing, year of 1986. In 1986, one could rest comfortably knowing they could, at any time, order the Al Jourgensen produced (Ministry, Revolting Cocks, Pailhead, Acid Horse, 1000 Homo DJs, Lard, PTP, Special Affect) Blackouts 12”, Lost Soul’s Club for only $5. (Which, in today’s world would only yield you a pint of half & half or a smug retort.) Found amongst the seminal releases from the grandfathers of the label are four different Wax Trax! Records t-shirts, many with varying sizes and colors. Those are $7, or about the value of two stamps today.

Wax Trax 1986 Insert BackThis is the 2nd Wax Trax! Records insert post from The Groove, and unless there is one hidden amongst my Ferrante & Teicher albums, this insert from 1986 is my oldest.

That is all. Have a good Friday.

The Obits are Coming

ObitsRemove your shoes and press your slacks, because the Obits are coming. Mow the lawn, water the dog, lift those weights and stretch those marks, because the Obits are coming. Swallow those pills, eat red meat and feed your Id, because the Obits are coming.

Get your beauty rest. Ignore the lavish temptation for gluttonous entertainment. It will only thicken your senses. Keep your eyes to the ground and your ears pealed, because the day will soon be upon us. Not you, me, the guy trying to score at the 7-Eleven; not the struggling schoolteacher, the web designer’s fiancé, or even your grandmother’s cat will escape unscathed.

The Obits are coming… and I blame you.

The Hump Day Twist

Twist CoverIt’s Wednesday folks. Congratulations! You’ve made it to hump day. Why not celebrate with The Peppermint Twist? What’s that? You don’t like peppermint? Too sweet, huh? Trying to cut back on your calorie intake? I understand. Then why not indulge your twisting senses with The Shimmy, or the elusive Quarter to Three? Feeling spry from that 7th cup of coffee? Then The Hoochie Coochie Coo is certainly right for you.

Twist BackAngry but still fill the need to multitask? Why not let it out with the Twist and Shout? Do you have a crush on the mail courier but are too shy to read your hastily written love letter? Then how could you resist the Dear Lady Twist?

The Surgeon General says that twisting at least 10 minutes per day will actually help to reduce those unwanted, and often awkward moments of spontaneous narcolepsy, and studies have shown that twisticizing (or practicing SLIMNASTICS) 3-4 days a week will help prevent Restless Leg Syndrome.

Combo NewMy favorite is a little hidden bender called The Time Travel Twist. You won’t find it amongst the 12 All Time Twist Hits, and it requires a bit of detective work, but I’ll break it down for you. It’s simple, really. The Time Travel Twist is that little side-to-side you do after you remove the 1975 sleeve to unveil the 1962 record within. EVERYBODY NOW! THE TIME TRAVEL TWIST-TWIST! TWIST! THE TIME TRAVEL TWIST!

I’m serious, folks. Treat yourself to a twist now and again. You’ve earned it!

Columbia Records Sleeve

Columbia Records InsertIn lieu of today’s biggest release in the history of Columbia Records (which is an argument to be had, I know), I present a simple, yet elegantly designed sleeve from 196?

Using repetition, and a simple (not to mention inexpensive) two-color layout, the designers at Columbia Records produced an elegant piece of 1960’s design in the often hidden form of a protective record sleeve.

As you can plainly see, the Columbia Records logo is subtly patterned on either side of the centered, Columbia Records name. There is no question that a bold white line amongst a sea of orange logos was designed specifically to demand attention from the eye, and only after you’ve read the text do you realize the tiny logo creating the hemispheric patterns.

If you haven’t already, go out and pick up a copy of Daft Punk’s Random Access Memories. When you leaf through the futuristic (2013) album, think back to the mountainous Columbia Records catalog, and how simple, yet tasteful, their design (and musical) history was.

New Miracle

BubbleThe word “miracle” seldom permeates from my vocabulary. I need not describe it, as I assume you understand the monumental weight of its meaning. So when I stumbled upon a 78 that describes a record using the word “miracle,” I instantly expected 1) to be granted the ability to fly, 2) for my student loans to disappear, or 3) some other supernormal impossibility. What I reluctantly found, however, was a misguided marketing ploy by Tops for Tots Records.

New MiracleTops for Tots Records was a “kiddie record” series released by Tops Records (formed in 1947, bankrupt and sold to Pickwick Records in 1963).  This short lived label promoted “unbreakable kiddie records” in the 7” format, but arrogantly threw around the word “miracle” as if it were handing out coupons for free belly dancing lessons. This “miracle” allows the contents of a 10” 78rpm record to exist as a 7” 78rpm record. That’s it. Much like this post, the expectation greatly exceeds the result.

This copy was owned by a woman named Linda, who was either very young, or never got around to learning the fundamentals of writing letters. I hope Linda enjoyed Around the World on a Bubble and Little Patriot Songs, and I fancy the notion that her little bubble wasn’t popped upon the harsh realization that this record in fact did not contain a miracle.

The Best, Biggest Bargains on Record!

Warner CoverWarner/Reprise Records took a bit of a risk in late 1969/early 1970. Not only did they offer double LP comps for only $2 (at a time when single LPs went between $4 and $5), but also their “The best, biggest bargains on record!” campaign promoted exclusive albums at insanely discounted prices that were only available via this innersleeve. AND, as if that weren’t enough, their ingenious, cunning, and dear I say crackerjack copywriters presented this financially hazardous campaign with the youthful exuberance found only from the likes of Peggy Olson.

Here are a few examples of how fascinating “The best, biggest bargains on record!” campaign is, including, but not limited to, jokes and sarcastic dialogue (dialogue, from an insert?):

– Offering a coupon printed on the sleeve itself, Warner/Reprise suggests that the protective sleeve that was provided in a previously purchased Warner/Reprise album be destroyed and used to order more records.

– “To expedite your order, and to foil the fools in the mail room…”

– “Dear Fat Cats: Yes, please send…”

– “We can get away with that low price because these celebrated artists and this benevolent record company have all agreed not to make a profit on this venture.”

– “If our Accounting Department were running this company, they’d charge you $9.96 for each double album. But they’re not. Yet.”

– “If you want them (indeed, how can you resist?) you have to…”

– “If you’re as suspicious of big record companies as we feel you have every right to be…”

Warner BackIn closing, I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when the idea for this campaign was introduced. I would have loved to have witnessed the look on the faces of Warner/Reprise Execs, and I would have loved to have shaken the hand of this campaign’s mastermind. (I would also love to pay only $2 for a double LP!)

SLIMNASTICS

SlimSummer is swiftly approaching, and you know what that means. It’s time to abandon that pint of Chunky Monkey and drop those lingering “depression pounds” so you can become the best, superficial, objectified, shallow beach snob in all of Los Angeles County!

You’re probably asking yourself, “But how will I lose this row of bicycle tires in time to accept my crown as Big Kahuna of Venice Beach?” SLIMNASTICS is how. SLIMNASTICS is an ancient exercise technique of foolish looking, and ineffective body positions that you can struggle to achieve in the comfort of your own living room (with the lights off and all the shades drawn).

ManSLIMASTICS is designed by Dr. Charles A. Bucher, a guy famous for doing stuff (his resume is on the back sleeve in case you question his academic prodigiousness). With one side of the record devoted for men, and the other for women, Dr. Bucher engulfs your home stereo system and coaches you, step-by-step, on how to touch your toes and lift your arms. He’s offered a series of Picturegrams (I’m pretty sure ol’ Charlie made this word up) that oversimplify the insanely complex technique known as the push-up (among others).

WomanDig through your box of “To Goodwill” clothes and adorn those embarrassingly tight running shorts because Dr. Charles A. Bucher and his award-winning exercise program, SLIMNASTICS, are going to fool you into believing you can achieve social acceptance with a slim, new, beach-friendly body.

(The Prudent Groove is not responsible if you do not achieve social acceptance with your slim, new, beach-friendly body.)

Payin’ inna travelin’ bain

JohnCreedence Clearwater Revival is known for their astonishing hooks, John Fogerty’s surmountable voice, and the focus of today’s post, their definitive, coherent lyrics. I present to you, in their entirety, the lyrics to CCR’s 1970 masterpiece, Travelin’ Band, or as I like to call it, Travelin’ Bain.

 

737 commin’ outta’ da sky

Oh’won’tcha take muh down’ta Memphis onna mid-night right-ah

I wown-moo

Hayin’ inna travelin’ bain, yeah

But I’m flyin’ ‘cause I lead, try to get a hair

Bayin’ inna travelin’ bain

Tag me to tha hotel

Baggage gone, oh well

Come own, come own, won’tcha get me to my roo

I wown-moo

Bayin’ inna travelin’ bain, yeah

Well I’m flyin’ ‘cause I lead, try to get a hair

Bayin’ inna travelin’ bain

Lizard to the radio

Tom and Bob the last show

Summon got excited had to call state Melissa

I wown-moo

Hayin’ inna travelin’ bain, yeah

But I’m flyin’ ‘cause I lead, try to get a hair

Bayin’ inna travelin’ bain, oh-wow

Hair we come a gain onna’ Saturday night

Oh well yo fussin’ and yo fightin’

Won’t you get meh to the rye

I wown-moo

Payin’ inna travelin’ bain, yeah

Well I’m flyin’ ‘cause I lead, try to get a hair

Bayin’ inna travelin’ bain, oh-wow

Oil payin’ inna travelin’ bain

Payin’ inna travelin’ bain

Wanda get me tell my hair

But I’m payin’ inna travelin’ bain

And I’m fine ‘cause I laugh, try to get a hair

Payin’ inna travelin’ bain, oh-wow

Train Your Bird to Talk

Bird CoverAre you a lonely bird owner who, until now, hasn’t realized your life lacks that proper amount of relaxing, mundane conversation with your trapped, feathered friend? Well, didn’t you come to the right place, you crazy little bird owner, you? Yesterday I unearthed this remarkable album at Goodwill, and with a morbid curiosity the size of say, a Lincoln Town Car, I rushed home to discover what a record specifically designed to train a bird to mimic say, a monologue written by Aaron Sorkin, would actually sound like.

After a brief and surprisingly soothing acoustic soiree, a calming female voice emits from the left, then the right channel repeating, “Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello…” As I sat and listened to this woman repeat this two-syllable word from opposite ends of the room, I began to count. The Prudent Groove is very happy to report that track one from Train Your Bird to Talk consists of a woman saying, “hello” 122 times. I’d love to see what the budget for this record was as I’m almost 122% certain that this “voice actor” said “hello” exactly one time, then it was looped for an excruciating 87 minutes (it may have been just over three minutes, but it felt like a hellish torture chamber of lies, burnt toast, wet socks and whatever else gets under my skin that I can’t conjure up at the moment).

Bird BackIf there was an award for the most useless, ridiculous, unnecessary, wholeheartedly avoidable record ever pressed, Train Your Bird to Talk would win it hands down. That being stated, I don’t reconsider my purchase for a moment. After all, you never know when 3 ½ minutes of a woman saying, “hello pretty bird” might come in handy.

Missing George

Missing George

George Harrison is missing. He’s gone and, to be frank, I’m not sure he’s coming back. No note was left, not even a casual scribble on a matchbook. He may have left word with Paul, Ringo or John, but as you can see, the boys aren’t talking.

Well, what about the music, you ask? The music is safe and sound. And the sleeve? The sleeve is fine… for now. No, the only missing party to my copy of 1968’s The Beatles is George Harrison.

I can’t blame him for going rogue, what, with all the majestic wonders that await an eager traveler in their visceral quest towards discovery of the vast, colorful world that exists outside my music library. In perspective, I’m surprised this odyssey into the arousing unknown wasn’t made sooner.

George Harrison is gone. I must come to peace with this. George Harrison, is gone.

We miss you George. We wish you well, but most importantly, we all hope you remembered to pack a handkerchief for your bemoaning 6-string. The boys and I will be fine. Write when you can, and may your new home offer everything you couldn’t find here.

Listen To Your World

Listen to Your World(Imagine a 33-year-old American male speaking directly to you, or to a camera, in a calm, soothing tone.)

When you purchase a used album, you really never know what you’re going to get. (Takes a few steps forward and smiles.) Hello, this is X from The Prudent Groove.

Not unlike downloading an album without the proper metadata, and we all know how annoying THAT can be, am I right?! (Takes a beat.) The level of quality attributed to a used record you find at say, a thrift store, is based solely on the mindset, (Beat.) and general care of its previous owner. (Looks down, then back up. Puts hands in pockets.)

Was the previous owner a neat freak who housed each of their cherished albums in overpriced, protective sleeves like we do here at The Groove? (Cocks head as to ponder this question.) Did they use the front jacket as a temporary table for rolling dried relaxation plants? (Beat.) Were they careless and used the back cover as a coaster, leaving a circular ring of ancient coffee above the “we’re trying to look casual” picture of the band? (Lets out a slight chuckle.)

These questions, and any others you may have of a record’s previous owner, will fall upon deaf ears, and the answers will only exist within our own imaginations. (Sits down on a chair. Where did the chair come from?)

Take for example this A&M Records insert I found inside my copy of Johnny Cash & Jerry Lee Lewis’ Sunday Down South album on Sun Records. (Holds up record, not pictured here.) The previous owner either didn’t care, or didn’t notice that the insert didn’t match the album. Not a very big deal as the record is in pristine shape. (Chuckles.) The previous owner probably didn’t enjoy the music and never played it, and THAT’S why it’s in such good shape. (Stands back up and begins walking.)

A&M Records Sleeve“Listen To Your World” is a clear-headed marketing slogan from A&M Records that suggests “your world” (Does quotes with his fingers… incorrectly.) can only be found on A&M Records. Clever girl. (Says in terrible British accent.) The flipside to this slogan showcases some pretty heavy-hitters from the A&M catalogue. (Looks down at insert as if to read.) Cat Stevens, Herb Alpert, Humble Pie, Quincy Jones and Burt Bacharach to name a few. With no date affixed to this insert, the words, “Listen To Your World” seem to become as timeless as some of the classic releases found on A&M Records. Coupled with the bold, white text on a basic, black background, this modern day musical proverb is a strong, and I hope profitable, marketing campaign for A&M Records, one that I’m happy I stumbled upon in an almost unorthodox manner.

Take a little mental trip on your next hunt through your local second hand store, and give a distinctive personality to that record you can’t live without. (Puts hands in pockets and smiles.) The album, like the music, exists as an entity in and of itself. Give it a history, and your collection will come to life in ways you never imagined.

This has been X from The Prudent Groove. (Smiles and puts hands on hips.) I’ll see you here tomorrow. Have a great afternoon. (Walks away in an awkward, no idea where he is stroll.)

Giving A Gift? Give Records!

KappHave a nephew who’s grown tired of his plastic Slinky because it’s lost its slink? Consider cheering him up with a beautiful “My Gift To You” box from Kapp Records. With over six “magnificent gift packages to choose from” (exactly seven), your gracious nephew will be the envy of every kid on his block for years… strike that, DECADES to come.

Got a friend who’s down in the dumps because his fiancé forgets to shut the cupboard doors each time she opens them? (#sniff) Why not surprise him with “the one gift everybody will love every day of the year”? With these perfect gift boxes, you can even customize the wrapping on the box! (Well, as customizable as choosing between either red-and-gold or silver-and-blue wraps.)

With such chart topping, breakout artists as Roger Voisin and the Chad Mitchell Trio, “My Gift To You” boxes by Kapp Records are ideal gifts for even those of your classy friends who don’t really enjoy music. Forget giving people what they want, give them a “My Gift To You” box from Kapp Records. They truly are “the perfect gift for every occasion.”

Happy Mothers (of Invention) Day!

Absolutely Free CoverHappy mothers choose Jif. They also listen to The Mothers of Invention, and you should too. Here’s why:

1. Frank Zappa.

2. The Mothers of Invention were originally called The Soul Giants, but changed their name to The Mothers (on Mother’s Day 1965?), before settling on their full title for their debut album, 1966’s Freak Out!

3. Like your mother, Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention promote the consumption of vegetables. From Call Any Vegetable, The Mothers explain, “This is a song about vegetables. They keep you regular. They’re real good for ya.” Don’t become irregular. Eat your veggies!

4. Staunch fans of pets, and reptiles in general, the 1970 reinvention of the Mothers included three former members of The Turtles, Mark Volman, Howard Kaylan and Jim Pons.

5. Frank Zappa.

Absolutely Free Back6. Also similar to your mother, these Mothers promote the healthy balance of a nutritional diet, aquatic exercise, and proper education. In the epic Brown Shoes Don’t Make It, we hear, “TV dinner by the pool. I’m so glad I finished school.” Listen to your mothers. They know what’s best for you.

7. The band’s Producer, Tom Wilson, made a name for himself by his acclaimed work with Bob Dylan, Simon and Garfunkel, The Animals and The Velvet Underground.

8. Frank Zappa.

The Prudent Groove would like to wish a very happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there (regardless of your personal prune preference)!

Much Love, Dick ‘73

Clark CoverI shudder to think what unspeakable things happened to the previous owner of this album, Jeanette Cannon, and why her coveted, signed copy of Dick Clark’s 20 Years of Rock N’ Roll was simply lumped in with a string of unlistenable drivel on the bookshelf at my corner thrift store.

I hope Jeanette Cannon had an enthusiastic experience upon meeting Mr. Clark and that every time she played this double LP, she’d look upon Dick’s inscription and, like the timely music found within, would find herself carried off into a warm, blissful memory.

Jeanette CannonI had these thoughts, until my investigatory mind began to churn. You see, back in the day, owners of albums used to bring specific selections of their personal music library to social gatherings and what not, and because they’d all want to make sure they left with the music they’d brought, these planners-ahead would all write their names on the albums, as to squash any confusion upon closing time. Makes sense, right? As you can see, this copy of Dick Clark’s 20 Years of Rock N’ Roll is no different. So, Jeanette Cannon wrote her name on a sticker on the bottom right corner of the cover: Clue #1.

Clark SignedOn the back, next to a dashing picture of Dick Clark holding this very album, which is a nice, Inception-like touch, Mr. Clark writes,

To Jeanette & Freddie

Two good friends

Much Love

Dick ‘73

Jeanette & Freddie… hmm: Clue #2. So I do some quick Google search for Jeanette Cannon in Los Angeles and not much comes up. I paid it no mind, put the record in the “to listen to” pile (a rather large pile, by the way), and didn’t think about it again until this morning when scouring the collection for something to write about. This time, however, I Googled Freddie Cannon, and what I found was something of a pleasant surprise.

According to www.freddycannon.com, the man was quiet famous in the music world of the late 1950’s and early 1960’s, and went by a name you may have heard of, Freddy “Boom Boom” Cannon. This site also confirms that Freddy’s wife’s name is… you guessed it, Jeanette Cannon. What threw me off was the variation in the spelling of Freddy, as Freddie by Mr. Clark, but a few minutes Googling reveals this to be a common alias for Mr. Boom Boom.

So, this double LP was personally presented, by Dick Clark, to Freddy “Boom Boom” Cannon, and his wife Jeanette sometime in 1973. It was loved, cherished, toted around to casual dinner parties, and played with an illuminating fondness for the past… that was until about a month ago when I discovered it at a thrift shop and purchased it for $4: Mystery solved.

It’s not often I find signed Dick Clark records at my local thrift stores, but when I do, it’s comforting to know it was a personal gift to Freddy “Boom Boom” Cannon and his lovely wife, Jeanette.

Bowling Brings out the Swinger in You, Too!

Swingers CoverWhen was the last time you sat down after a long, hard fought day and thought to yourself, you know, I could really go for some bowling themed swinger music presented by the world’s largest owner and operator of bowling lanes?  As the jacket says, Music for Swingers is “Dedicated to the millions of swingers in the United States and all over the world who regularly enjoy the fun of bowling.” Well, isn’t that nice of AMF?

This sweet, handcrafted collection of brass & string instrumentals are the soothing, music equivalent of nailing that 7-10 split. Like that wave of assured confidence that washes over you after a successful frame, Music for Swingers offers the welcoming support of a well-maintained bowling alley, AND it doesn’t require special shoes.

Swingers BackNo bumpers are needed to enjoy these selections of swinging, succulent, striking songs. (Striking… get it? Bowling a strike? Never mind.) Broken down for the convenience of the swinger in mind, Side 1 showcases Swinging Brass (Spanish Flea, Casino Royale, Swingers Theme), while Side 2 highlights “the most popular standards of the day in the up-beat tempo of the swinging strings you have heard 101 times or more.” Nothing says up-beat, popular standards of the day quiet like Girl from Ipanema or Georgy Girl.

Perfect for that pregame drink-up with your championed bowling team, or there to help sooth the bitter defeat of yet another losing evening, Music for Swingers is your faultless companion through the smooth, polished lanes of life, no matter where the inevitable pins of fate may happen to throw you.

Beware the Vegas Sun

Red CoverThis may be a no-brainer for the majority of you fine lovers of high fidelity, but unfortunately, I had to learn this bitter reality the hard way.  Let this be a lesson to those of you to whom this has yet to happen.

A few years ago, wow! It’s been five years now. Crazy. Moving on… a few years ago, I was visiting my parents in Las Vegas. You see, my father is the President of a Steel Workers Union in Wisconsin, and every once-and-a-while he needs to travel to Vegas for meetings. My mom joined him, and since Vegas is only a 4-½ hour car ride from Los Angeles, I met up with them for the weekend. Plus, at the time, one of my closest High School friends lived in Vegas, so it was a gathering of the happies if you will. Or, if you won’t. This happened 5 years ago, so there really isn’t anything you can do about it now.

Long story short, my buddy took me to Zia Records where I picked up the (then) new self-titled Weezer album (their 3rd self-titled album). For those of you who are unaware of how violently hot Vegas gets in the summer, allow me to paint you a wet, sticky picture. Being mindful that records warp when exposed to extreme heat, I opted to place my recent find in the trunk of my car instead of in the front or backseat where the Sun had been playing all day. So, this guy here thought the hot, oven-baked trunk would be the logical solution to a potential $22.99 problem.

photo(14)As you can see, my decision was a poor one, and this copy of Weezer’s 3rd self-titled album is clearly unplayable. I’ve since repurchased this album (with grave hesitation), and I keep this guy around to remind me of how stupid I was on a hot summer day in Las Vegas.

Learn from the idiots, kids. Take your records indoors instead of locking them in the car where they die a painful, never-played death while warping in the 112 degree Vegas heat. Weezer would hope you’ll learn from the errors of The Prudent Groove, and take better care of your records. A thought just occurred to me. Maybe Weezer was working closely with the Sun so they could sell more records. Well played, giant middle-sized star & Weezer. Well played indeed.